How To Show Up For a Friend With Cancer

In this post, collected through our story portal, Dianne shines a light on the friends who stood by her during the loneliest times of her cancer experience.

 

Dianne's Story

I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer in December 2020. We were in the middle of Covid. In the year before my diagnosis, I had lost both my husband and my mother to cancer. Now, my adult children feared they were going to lose me too. I stayed positive for myself and for my adult children. We had been through enough. 

To limit my risk of exposure and infection, I had to attend my cancer treatments without any companions. I felt very alone. No one could keep me company there or be a second set of ears when I spoke with the doctor. I was dropped off at my doctor’s and chemotherapy appointments, picked up at the end, dropped off at home, and then left alone.  

I managed this stress and isolation with the help of great friends and family. Social distancing meant that my friends couldn’t come into my house. So, instead, they visited me at my doorstep every other day throughout my entire treatment. They would drop food off on my step and ring my doorbell. I’d open the door and we would chat for a few minutes, and I would return the empty food containers from their previous drop-offs.  

When my friends weren’t dropping off food, they were dropping off words of encouragement — notes, cards, or just a little joke. They had another friend who had gone through breast cancer, like me. My friends arranged for her to send me anonymous cards in the mail. This was something I looked forward to receiving on my worst days.

I will be 5 years cancer free in September. 

There have been positive changes in my life since my diagnosis. I retired from full-time work, realizing that life is short and I want to make the most of it. I’ve taken several trips. One of my daughters got married, and my other daughter moved back home with me after a breakup. We’ve grown closer because of it.

More Ways To Show Up For Your Friend

Editor's note: Dianne's story is a testament to the uplifting power of friendship during hard times. Everyone's cancer experience and support needs are unique. If you're supporting a friend facing cancer, but you're not sure what to do, here are a few tips that might help:

1. Be a good listener. Provide your friend with a safe space to talk about what they are feeling and what they may need.
2. Consider practical ways you can support your friend during this stressful time. That might look like transportation to appointments, volunteering to help care for a pet, or coordinating weekly homemade meals.
3. Help join loved ones together to support your friend and keep everyone updated in one place. Create a personal network site on your friend's behalf.
4. Don't forget your own needs for support. Reach out and ask for help when you need it. Support is available for friends and family who are facing cancer alongside a loved one.
5. Supporting a friend from afar? No problem. Here are some resources to help you in your role from a distance — whether you live in a different town, in another part of the country, or on the other side of the world.