Men Open Up About Cancer Support: Part 3

Our Men's Health blog series continues with insights from Jerry, who talks about his personal experience as a caregiver, the importance of support, and what has worked for him.

Meet Jerry

On Being Vulnerable and Finding Moments for Self-care as a Caregiver

“Being a caregiver is not an easy thing. It's really tough,” acknowledges Jerry, age 75.

As a care partner to his wife, Jerry made a habit of getting outside each day at the hospital when she was receiving treatment for multiple myeloma.  

“Every day I took a walk, just moving my body outside the confines of the hospital,” he says. “Getting my heartbeat going helped me to manage the stress that I was experiencing inside the hospital.”

As a theologian, Jerry studies the interpretation of religious texts. Through his work, he has developed a deeper understanding about cognition and how it works. He describes a concept called interoception — a topic he has researched and written about.

“If the body itself is stressed or distressed, it impacts our cognitive ability,” he explains. “It impacts whether we can concentrate, whether we can be fully present to people. The calming of the body is one of the ways we can improve our cognitive processes.”

So, for Jerry, getting some fresh air and exercise each day at the hospital was restorative. In turn, his renewed energy allowed him to continue being a focused care partner.

“I could not have given my wife my full attention if I didn't peel off from time to time and go for walks,” he says. “So, when I was with her, I was able to be fully with her because my body wasn't leading me to distract me from being fully present.”

Interoception also involves listening for messages your body gives you, notes Jerry. That could be a physical ache, or something in the pit of your stomach.  

“The thing about cancer patients is they have a medical team assisting them and addressing those things,” he notes. “Caregivers don’t have the same range of resources to help them deal with that.”

Being alert to how the body impacts the mind is a step in the direction of dealing with “the source of the impact,” Jerry says. It also can be helpful to have close friends with whom you can share honestly, he adds.

“When I was growing up, men were taught that it was not appropriate for men to express emotions or feelings, that it was a woman's thing,” he reflects. “I think that message is less pervasive in culture now for younger people, but I think people in my age group still may struggle with that — if you're a man, you muscle through.”

Allowing oneself to be vulnerable, on the other hand, could be freeing for men, as Jerry shares.  

“I think men have to be especially willing to give themselves permission to experience things,” he says. “And if they do, it may be a new kind of experience for them, which — I don't mean it in a cavalier way — may be the first time they have allowed themselves to feel deeply something like loss or helplessness, in the face of something over which you can't control. And that can be ironically liberating. It can be liberating, or it can be terribly frightening.”

Men, Support Is Available

For male caregivers, joining a support group could help ease fears of vulnerability. Mary Hald, LMSW, Clinical Program Director at CSC Arizona (part of Cancer Support Community's network of CSC and Gilda’s Club locations around the U.S.), notes that support groups offer the chance to hear how other caregivers manage their responsibilities while tending to their own emotional well-being.

“These conversations can help men learn how to support their loved ones without completely setting aside their own feelings,” shares Mary. “They also provide valuable insight into maintaining balance and staying emotionally present during a loved one’s cancer journey.”

If you’re a man navigating a personal cancer diagnosis or a caregiving role, and you feel hesitant about joining a support group, Mary offers these tips:  

1. Give yourself permission to be vulnerable and acknowledge what you’re going through internally.
2. Connect with men who have already participated in support groups — hearing their experiences often helps ease initial apprehension.
3. Have a one-on-one conversation with the group facilitator beforehand. This can help you get a better sense of the group atmosphere and help you to feel more comfortable before attending the groups.

Many of our local CSC and Gilda’s Club locations around the country offer professionally facilitated support groups for men impacted by cancer. Several locations also offer LGBTQ+ support groups. These groups open the lines of communication and connection as men navigate different aspects of their cancer experience, helping them avoid isolation through community.

Search for a CSC or Gilda’s Club Location Near You

Men’s Health & Wellness Online Discussion Forum

If you’re not ready to join a support group, can’t find a group near you, or simply want to expand your support system, we have you covered. Join our free digital support community, MyLifeLine.org, which hosts a discussion forum for men impacted by cancer.  

The Men’s Health & Wellness forum is available 24/7. Jump in anytime to share a question, idea, or concern, or offer your support to other men. When you join MyLifeLine, you’ll also receive:

• Notifications on forums you follow
• English and Spanish language preferences
• Links to the latest CSC news and resources
• Quick access to free cancer support and navigation

Our discussion forums are moderated by licensed mental health professionals, providing a safe, member-led community where you can create genuine connections with others impacted by cancer. Whether you are facing a new diagnosis, transitioning to life after treatment, or navigating a caregiving role, you never know who may benefit from the words you share.   

Join the Conversation Now