Men Open Up About Cancer Support: Part 2

Our Men's Health blog series continues with insights from Jonathan, who talks about his experience navigating cancer, the importance of support, and what has worked for him.

Meet Jonathan

On Processing the Trauma of a Diagnosis & Honoring Your Personal Experience

Thirteen years ago, Jonathan was busy doing what many young adults do — following his career dreams — when a cancer diagnosis stopped him in his tracks. He was living in Los Angeles pursuing a screenwriting profession when, at age 27, he learned he had testicular cancer.

“In my personal experience and talking to others, there's no way to hear the words ‘You have cancer’ and for it not to be traumatic,” Jonathan says. “And the way the brain processes trauma, some parts are so vivid, but other parts are totally blank. It’s how we protect ourselves.”

Because there’s so much information to take in and understand — including the reality that you have cancer — you may not hear everything your doctor says at first, adds Jonathan.

“I guarantee you're going to hit the web and look up everything and anything and become an armchair doctor. But how many people are looking up [things] like, ‘Is there a therapist in my area who specializes in cancer?’”

Jonathan’s own care team connected him with a therapist at his hospital soon after his diagnosis. At first, going to therapy felt like one more thing on his to-do list as he navigated fertility preservation, treatment decisions, and insurance questions. “I already had a lot of things to do,” he says. “I didn’t recognize the benefit of therapy until it became the thing that was helping me as much as treatment.”

But Jonathan also understands not every man may feel they need a therapist after they get a cancer diagnosis. “I get that therapy isn’t for every man, but I’d ask for you to leave the space to consider it. You’re going to go through a lot of challenging moments in your cancer journey and I promise you, seeing a therapist won’t be the worst part. It might even be one of the most helpful.”

Soon after his diagnosis, Jonathan chose to undergo surgical treatment for his type of testicular cancer. Ten days later, he received the news that he was cancer-free. But the trauma of his experience lingered. Today he works as a filmmaker and a board-certified patient advocate (he's the founder of Tikkun Patient Advocates). In his advocacy work, Jonathan says he has noticed a common refrain from people, notably among young adults, about their cancer experience: It wasn’t that bad.

“We compare our experience with people who, quote, ‘had it worse than me.’ And in doing this, we’re not really honoring the experience we had. From my personal experience, it was bad, and it took me a long time to realize it's OK to say, ‘That was awful. That was scary. Sure, that was bad for other people too, but it doesn’t negate how terrible it was for you.’  Give yourself the space to have those feelings. It’s not a competition of who suffered more.”

By the same token, Jonathan also recognizes there are pressures in our society of what a man should be. Such pressures may prevent some men from acknowledging their emotions or reaching out, but Jonathan doesn’t see it as an unwillingness to do so.

“It has been my experience that even the most unemotional man still wants to share, but he struggles to find the words to describe the internal barriers that prevent him from saying, ‘I'm scared. I need help.’ And I'm saying, ‘It's OK. That we've been there too.’ Even if that person is not ready to discuss their experience or reach out for help now, that's OK.”

Jonathan suggests just keeping an open mind — a willingness to pursue support, if or when you feel you need it, down the road. “I think the ultimate sign of courage and strength,” he says, “is acknowledging when there's a challenge that's bigger than you and you can't get through it alone, so you ask for help.”

Read More About Jonathan’s Story

Men, Support Is Available

Many of our local Cancer Support Community and Gilda’s Club locations around the country offer professionally facilitated support groups for men impacted by cancer. These groups open the lines of communication and connection as men navigate different aspects of their cancer experience, helping them avoid isolation through community.

“Many of the men I've spoken with feel a sense of empowerment through these groups,” observes Mary Hald, LMSW, Clinical Program Director at CSC Arizona, which provides a support group for men newly diagnosed or going through treatment. “They become more comfortable advocating for their needs and opening up emotionally.”

If you’re a man navigating cancer and feel hesitant about joining a support group, Mary offers these tips:  

1. Give yourself permission to be vulnerable and acknowledge what you’re going through internally.
2. Connect with men who have already participated in support groups — hearing their experiences often helps ease initial apprehension.
3. Have a one-on-one conversation with the group facilitator beforehand. This can help you get a better sense of the group atmosphere and help you to feel more comfortable before attending the groups.

Search for a CSC or Gilda’s Club Near You

Men’s Health & Wellness Online Discussion Forum

If you’re not ready to join a support group, can’t find a group near you, or simply want to expand your support system, we have you covered. Join our free digital support community, MyLifeLine.org, which hosts a discussion forum for men impacted by cancer.  

The Men’s Health & Wellness forum is available 24/7. Jump in anytime to share a question, idea, or concern, or offer your support to other men. When you join MyLifeLine, you’ll also receive:

• Notifications on forums you follow
• English and Spanish language preferences
• Links to the latest CSC news and resources
• Quick access to free cancer support and navigation

Our discussion forums are moderated by licensed mental health professionals, providing a safe, member-led community where you can create genuine connections with others impacted by cancer. Whether you are facing a new diagnosis, transitioning to life after treatment, or navigating a caregiving role, you never know who may benefit from the words you share.  

Join the Conversation Now