When You Learn of a Cancer Diagnosis: Tips to Adapt to a New Unknown
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Hearing the words “You have cancer” is an unwelcome moment in anyone’s life journey. It’s also a significant moment. Receiving a cancer diagnosis is life-changing. It positions your future in a new, unexpected direction. Plans, goals, or dreams you had may need to be put on hold. Your expectations for the future may now be replaced with feelings of uncertainty.
Your vision of your future may look different now, but this does not mean that your future will be bleak. Rather, it requires you to adapt to a new unknown. It requires you to grieve what previously felt familiar. This may include a loss of your autonomy, health, intended plans, or any other combination of unique losses that cancer can bring.
While there is no right or wrong way to respond to the news that you have cancer, there are strategies that can help you adjust to this unexpected period in your life. These include:
- Identifying and expressing your emotions
- Asking for and accepting help
- Establishing connections
Identify and Express Your Emotions
Just as every person’s cancer diagnosis is unique, so too is every person’s response to receiving a cancer diagnosis. In your own experience, you may feel shock, overwhelm, fear, sadness, anger, or disbelief. These are a few examples of the many valid emotions you may have during this time.
Instead of trying to ignore these feelings, try to acknowledge them. By noticing your emotions, you can express them accordingly. Expressing your emotions may involve:
Crying
It might feel like you are exposing a weakness, but crying is a useful tool to alleviate stress, release endorphins, soothe physical pain, and aid in sleep. If you need to cry, give yourself space and time to do so without suppressing your body’s natural release of tears, sobs, and grimaces.
Deep Breathing
In moments of acute stress, you may find yourself breathing more quickly and shallow than usual. Try taking slower, deep breaths through your nose and into your abdomen. After each deep breath you take in, release it in an extended exhale through your mouth. Deep breathing can reset the nervous system, improve clarity of thinking, and ease physical pain.
Movement
Emotions such as anger and fear can cause muscles to tense. Moving your body can release muscle tension, improve cognitive function, and regulate both mood and sleep. Engage in movement practices that align with your energy level and ability. Overextending your physical capacity can lead to frustration and disappointment. Choose movements that work with your body, not against it.
Communicating How You Feel
Expressing emotions through words (written or spoken) can be a powerful way to acknowledge feelings that seem especially persistent. Communicating your emotions — whether to another person, in a group, in a journal, or through a faith-based practice — can increase self-awareness, improve attention and focus, and help clarify your goals and priorities as you prepare to make treatment decisions.
Attending to your emotions from the moment of diagnosis will support your physical and mental wellness as you work with your cancer care team moving forward.
"Being able to express my thoughts and feelings (fear, anger, grief, gratitude, and sometimes joy and relief) through poetry and blogging enabled me to rebound from every setback and find a reason to keep on going."
— Brad, author, poet & cancer survivor
Ask For & Accept Help
Part of the coping process includes making sure your day-to-day needs are met. When you are newly diagnosed with cancer, it can be hard to know what your needs may be in the weeks and months ahead. Learning how to ask for and accept help will allow you to develop a critical life skill that you can use as specific needs become more obvious in the near or distant future.
Asking for and accepting help may sound like:
- I have a scheduling conflict on Monday. Are you able to drop the kids off at school that morning?
- If you’re heading to the pharmacy today, can you please grab me a pack of throat lozenges?
- Thank you for offering to shovel my driveway. I’d really appreciate the help.
- That’s so kind of you to offer to bring me some of your homemade soup. That sounds delicious.
- I was told that my cancer is probably stage 2. Can you please help me understand what that means.
- I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by the number of appointments I have this month. Can you please print me a copy of my schedule so that I can make sure I put them in my calendar correctly?
Articulating your needs and requesting support may feel uncomfortable, but it’s important to remember that all people have needs that deserve appropriate care. Life ebbs and flows through seasons of giving and receiving for everyone. So, what may feel like a burdensome ask to you is likely a welcomed opportunity for others to offer their support.
If you’d like a simple way to coordinate help and keep your loved ones updated about your cancer experience, set up a personal network site today. Join our free online digital community to get started, then invite your friends and family to follow and support you.
For additional ideas, OncoLink shares a list of resources for requesting and organizing help during and after cancer treatment.
Establish Connections
Regardless of the social support available to you in the moment of your diagnosis, there are ample opportunities to establish and grow meaningful connections throughout your cancer experience. Having social support can bolster your physical and emotional well-being and allow you to better cope with potential challenges, such as managing treatment side effects.
Here are just a few ways you can establish connections:
Read a book written by a fellow cancer survivor. Support groups, meetups, and other face-to-face interactions might initially feel intimidating. Fortunately, many wonderful books have been written by cancer survivors whose stories may serve as encouragement to others like you. Reading such books can help you to recognize that you are not alone in this experience.
For people who are newly diagnosed, one book suggestion is “Help Me Live: 20 Things People with Cancer Want You to Know,” by Lori Hope. Another is “What Helped Me Get Through: Cancer Survivors Share Wisdom and Hope,” by Julie K. Silver.
Meet with a social worker at your treatment center. Many cancer treatment programs provide a multidisciplinary team of professionals, including social workers. Social workers in this space specialize in attending to the social and emotional needs of patients and their loved ones. Consider asking a social worker at your treatment center about opportunities to access and build social support.
Apply for a peer matching program. These programs, sometimes referred to as peer mentorship, can match you with another individual of a similar background and diagnosis. These peer matches or mentors are trained volunteers who are willing and able to share empathy, honesty, guidance, and motivation from their own lived experience. These programs are available at no cost, and support is generally offered by phone.
Join our online community MyLifeLine. Meet others like you and exchange questions, stories, tips, and ideas on our discussion forums. They are a safe space to connect with other people who are navigating cancer in their life.
Start Building Your Online Community
A new cancer diagnosis can feel overwhelming and isolating. Developing coping skills can help ease your distress and empower you during this unique period of loss. And remember: Feelings of grief are valid at any point — from diagnosis into survivorship. Read about types of grief & loss you may experience, and what you can do.
About the Author
Carolyn is a licensed clinical social worker in California with specialties in oncology, perinatal loss, and grief. She has provided psychotherapy, psychoeducation, support group facilitation, and patient navigation support to those impacted by cancer for most of her career, working in inpatient, outpatient, and private practice settings. Carolyn has worked as a community navigator on CSC’s Cancer Support Helpline since 2021. She is passionate and committed to providing care that is patient-centered, compassionate, and evidence-based.