"Spring arrived. Nature renewed. The open air, the sun, a plane flying over, a bird ... I focused my attention on what was within my senses," Glenn shares in his story, below. Photo credit: By imakemyday23 on Unsplash
If my cancer diagnosis had arisen years earlier, would I have had the psychological strength to weather the diagnosis and treatments?
GlennDiagnosed with squamous cell carcinoma, stage 4
Note: If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call or text 988, or visit 988lifeline.org/chat to chat with a counselor from the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, previously known as the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline provides 24/7, free, and confidential support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress anywhere in the U.S.
By Glenn Slaby, M.B.A., M.F.A.
It is estimated that more than 1 in 5 American adults lives with mental health illness. I am one.
My mental illness comes with complications and emotional baggage: self-doubts, insecurities, and distresses. It presents mental barriers, too — between me, those I love, the world, and God.
I did not receive a diagnosis for my mental illness until my mid-30s, and unfortunately, it was a misdiagnosis. It took 12 more years — and numerous hospitalizations — before I received the correct diagnoses (PTSD, OCD, ADHD, and anxiety).
My medical history created huge fears of tests, more tests, waiting, and more waiting. These fears caused mental anguish, leading to harmful thoughts and actions.
By that time, I had navigated years of therapy for my mental health illness.
I wondered: If my cancer diagnosis had arisen years earlier, would I have had the psychological strength to weather the diagnosis and treatments?
To get through it, I needed the coping skills I had developed through therapy. Without those skills, my imagination would have taken me down an anxiety-ridden rabbit hole.
Throughout my cancer experience, I also had the help of a support team: therapists, a spiritual director, and resilient relationships in my life. So, downward spirals were mostly avoided. Mental health ‘cheat’ cards and prayer cards were my 24/7 security blankets, providing reassurance, reaffirmation, and hope. I was able to take one day, one moment, at a time.
Here is how I got through the toughest stages of my cancer experience — from managing pain and other physical side effects, to coping with the anxiety and fears I felt along the way:
1. Surgery & Hospitalization
I needed surgery to remove the cancer, which was located at the base of my tongue. While hospitalized, I also received dental exams. They were necessary for the future radiation treatments I would need.
I counted the positives:
Only one tooth needed extraction.
I was able to walk with a mobile IV, keeping my mind and body fit.
I was safe and secure, with warm, clean bed sheets and nutritious food, while many people in the world were living without these comforts.
I also engaged in distraction-based coping skills. When I was fighting the internal monsters of mental illness, technology connected me with friends, family, music, and videos of spiritual talks — lifting my spirit and my soul.
2. Discharge & More Biopsies
After I was released from the hospital, outpatient biopsies were needed to try to locate the source of the cancer. I needed to apply skills for handling what I could not control:
Recalling a therapy affirmation, “Move a muscle, change a thought,” I created mental space for positive thinking and conserving strength.
With my doctors’ permission, I returned to work. Helping others can improve your psychological, spiritual, and even physical health.
I applied visualization techniques. For example, I imagined that I was on a whitewater raft heading into the unknown, each bend bringing the unforeseen. Every rock posed a chance of capsizing. I just had to stay afloat and avoid drowning.
3. Treatment & Side Effects
My treatment included 33 rounds of daily radiation (except weekends) and 5 chemo infusions. I went from 156 to 118 lbs. I fell into physical frailty. I searched for ways to cope and adjust.
Again, I intentionally counted the positives and practiced gratitude.
Mental illness can sometimes create a deep sense of insecurity. So, it helped to remember that I had 4 doctors who discussed side effects, treatment dosages, and timing of medications with me. I wasn’t just another patient; I mattered.
I got to know other patients and the healthcare staff, building connections to keep myself grounded.
Treatment brought an inability to sleep. I’d sleep maybe 15 minutes at a time. Then I identified another spiritual and therapeutic skill: writing down at least one accomplishment, good deed, or item of gratitude daily:
holding a door open for someone
giving out prayer cards and rosaries
fun apps
saying hello to others
I wrote anything down, even when it became so difficult to write.
Editor's Note
Experiencing a cancer diagnosis is very difficult and can impact your mental health. Getting help from therapists and other professionals is a brave step that can improve your quality of life. Connecting with others who have cancer, such as through a support group or online discussion forum, can also help you feel less afraid and less alone.
Early March 2022 marked the end of my treatments. My neck was blistered. I could barely walk or talk. I wondered if the pain I experienced could be any worse without the opioids I was taking.
I never thought healing would occur.
Recovery was slow agony. I didn’t seem to be regaining strength or weight, and eating and drinking was too painful. Being incapacitated was torture. Being served and not being able to help with chores was demoralizing.
To help me through it, I practiced being mindful, staying aware of the moment in the world around me.
Spring arrived. Nature renewed. The open air, the sun, a plane flying over, a bird — all were blessings. I focused my attention on what was within my senses.
And, again, I practiced gratitude.
I felt a joyful sadness for the love and care I received, and for the letters and calls I took from loved ones when I wasn’t too exhausted to talk. I felt so much appreciation for my wife, for setting up schedules for medications and fluid intake and keeping charts on the refrigerator.
5. Continuing With Life
Ten percent of my tongue was surgically removed, and a larger portion now has nerve damage. I have difficulty chewing. Difficulty swallowing pills. My taste buds are sensitive. Some foods burn. Alcohol burns. Foods like popcorn and burgers are inedible.
I don’t care.
Today, I’m 4 years in remission. I’m stable, blessed, and fortunate.
I can get up in the morning, something I wasn’t able to do when experiencing depression. I can talk to friends, family, neighbors, and strangers. I can help others. How many go without these opportunities?
I still experience mental health challenges, spiritual questions, and physical battles as I continue with therapy. Barriers remain too: some dread and anxiety. However, these concerns have lessened.
Writing this and reading about others’ experiences still makes me uncomfortable. But now I see the blessings more clearly. Who knew my cancer would help break down walls, showing the world’s beauty, while creating stronger family bonds, stronger loves, and more understanding of life’s beautiful mystery?
About the Author Glenn Slaby, M.B.A., M.F.A., was born in Brooklyn, New York, and now resides in Westchester, NY. He is a freelance writer and works part-time at a psychiatric hospital. Glenn has written for various publications and posts his written work on his website. Read more about Glenn.
Tell Us Your Story
Reflecting on your own cancer experience, what advice can you share with someone who is newly diagnosed?
