Stock photo posed by models, sourced from Getty Images
Recent news of former President Biden’s prostate cancer diagnosis — an aggressive form that has spread to his bones — comes as a reminder for men to keep the lines of support & communication open for one another when navigating cancer.
It’s estimated that nearly 1 in 10 men experience some form of depression or anxiety, but less than half seek treatment.1 Depression in men often goes undiagnosed for other reasons, too, including not recognizing the signs of depression, downplaying symptoms, or not wanting to talk about it.2
It’s not puzzling why some men are not reaching out for support. Gender-based stereotypes and expectations about masculine ideals persist across many cultures and communities. These ideas and beliefs may discourage some men from expressing their emotions and mental health needs.2, 3, 4, 5
Even when facing the stress of a cancer diagnosis, some men may feel uncomfortable seeking help or support, despite feeling lonely or isolated.
“Many men have been conditioned to view emotional vulnerability as a weakness, which makes it difficult to open up in support settings,” notes Mary Hald, LMSW, Clinical Program Director at CSC Arizona (part of Cancer Support Community's network of CSC and Gilda’s Club support centers around the U.S.). “As a result, some men may isolate themselves or struggle to articulate their emotional needs, which can deepen feelings of loneliness or stress during their cancer journey.”
Ultimately, every cancer experience is unique. What helps one man cope — mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually — may not suit the individual needs of another man.
Follow along in our 3-part blog series to hear how some men talk about their personal cancer experiences, the importance of support, and what has worked for them.
Mayo Clinic staff. Male depression: Understanding the issues. Mayo Clinic website. February 13, 2024. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/male-depression/art-20046216
Mayo Clinic staff. Male depression: Understanding the issues. Mayo Clinic website. February 13, 2024. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/male-depression/art-20046216
Sinha, Ruchi. Harvard Business Review. We Need to Talk About Men’s Mental Health at Work. November 3, 2022. https://hbr.org/2022/11/we-need-to-talk-about-mens-mental-health-at-work
Griffith Ph.D., Derek M.; Ogunbiyi M.P.H., Ayo; Jaeger M.P.H., Emily. Men and mental health: What are we missing? Association of American Medical Colleges website. April 2, 2024. https://www.aamc.org/news/men-and-mental-health-what-are-we-missing#
Greene, Nicole. Why We Need to Talk About Men’s Mental Health. Office on Women’s Health, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. June 29, 2018. https://womenshealth.gov/blog/mens-mental-health
The scars that are mentally left, physically left, and spiritually left last beyond the chemo.
DanielCancer survivor
Meet Daniel
On Seeking Peer Connection & Therapy, From Diagnosis Into Survivorship
It’s not uncommon for people to feel alone in their personal cancer experience. Peer connections with people who share similar diagnoses, treatments, and experiences can be a vital lifeline. Without it, the cancer experience can be especially isolating.
Ten years ago, when Daniel was diagnosed with anal cancer, very few support resources were shared with him to help him navigate the road ahead. “No one [said], ‘Hey, let me connect you with someone who’s been through it,’” says Daniel.
He and his boyfriend were just a few days away from celebrating their three-year anniversary. Now, the couple faced an unexpected and challenging juncture in their journey together, with little outside support.
“I don’t know if my doctor really knew where to direct me, but there were no resources available to me other than a therapist, the nutritionist, and the people at the hospital.”
Daniel notes that it can be very hard for men to talk about anal cancer, whether they identify as straight or gay. “First of all, because it’s so intimate, and the checkup is so intimate,” he notes. Being a Latino man, “surrounded by this machismo energy,” as he puts it, Daniel found it to be an unnerving aspect of the experience.
The treatment plan was rigorous: two weeks of chemo, 38 rounds of radiation therapy, and a surgical ostomy and stoma procedure. “Never was there anybody saying, ‘Hey, how are you doing? How’s your partner? Can we get you started on therapy? Can we get you a buddy to talk to?’”
Early on after treatment, Daniel did find some support groups for people living with stomas. He briefly attended a few, but most participants were several decades older than Daniel, who was 45 at the time. “We were in very different places,” he says. “I stopped going because I just couldn’t connect with anybody.”
Over time and through his own research, Daniel found connections with others of a similar age and diagnosis. “Once I did, that opened more doors and conversations,” he says.
Today Daniel works part-time as an advocacy director with a colorectal and anal cancer charity. “It’s an LGBT specialty group, so we can have those intimate conversations about sex, sexuality, and intimacy — the TMI conversations that you probably wouldn’t have with your straight doctor. You can have them here because everybody’s going through them at some level or another.”
Now 54, Daniel says he still faces struggles in survivorship, including body issues, intimacy issues, and lasting side effects from chemotherapy. “The scars that are mentally left, physically left, and spiritually left last beyond the chemo,” he says.
For Daniel, one coping strategy includes regularly connecting with other survivors through support groups and retreats. Therapy has been helpful, too. As a Reiki master and transformational energy strategist, he’s a strong believer in seeking therapy to relieve burnout, release blocked emotions, and promote healing.
“Which is why I tell folks, the moment that you are diagnosed with anything that’s going to be life-altering, get a therapist,” Daniel says. “Do not wait for it to be over. Seek some help so that somebody can start working on your mind, because we know the mind is so powerful.”
Men, Support Is Available
Many of our local CSC and Gilda’s Club locations around the country offer professionally facilitated support groups for men impacted by cancer. Several locations also offer LGBTQ+ support groups. These groups open the lines of communication and connection as men navigate different aspects of their cancer experience, helping them avoid isolation through community.
“Many of the men I've spoken with feel a sense of empowerment through these groups,” observes Mary Hald, whose CSC Arizona location provides a support group for men newly diagnosed or going through treatment. “They become more comfortable advocating for their needs and opening up emotionally.”
If you’re a man navigating cancer and feel hesitant about joining a support group, Mary offers these tips:
Give yourself permission to be vulnerable and acknowledge what you’re going through internally.
Connect with men who have already participated in support groups — hearing their experiences often helps ease initial apprehension.
Have a one-on-one conversation with the group facilitator beforehand. This can help you get a better sense of the group atmosphere and help you to feel more comfortable before attending the groups.
If you’re not ready to join a support group, can’t find a group near you, or simply want to expand your support system, we have you covered. Join our free digital support community, MyLifeLine.org, which hosts a discussion forum for men impacted by cancer.
The Men’s Health forum is available 24/7. Jump in anytime to share a question, idea, or concern, or offer your support to other men. When you join MyLifeLine, you’ll also receive:
Notifications on forums you follow
English and Spanish language preferences
Links to the latest CSC news and resources
Quick access to free cancer support and navigation
Our discussion forums are moderated by licensed mental health professionals, providing a safe, member-led community where you can create genuine connections with others impacted by cancer. Whether you are facing a new diagnosis, transitioning to life after treatment, or navigating a caregiving role, you never know who may benefit from the words you share.
